Where Faith Begins

 

 Faith is the very essence of Christianity. Without it, you cannot please God. Without it, you cannot even be saved. So anyone who claims to be a Christian ultimately has enough faith to believe that God exists and saved us from our sins through His Son, Jesus. 

But what about day-to-day faith? 

As I write this, I have been unemployed for almost an entire year. Last year, I made 6 figures.This year, I don't think I have made over $15,000. I have had part time work here and there. I haven't wanted for anything as far as daily needs. But as far as medical care I've needed, that hasn't been possible. And as far as being where someone my age with my experience should be professionally and in life, well... it's a joke. I'm a laughing stock. I'm an utter and complete failure.

Where is God when you feel so ashamed by your circumstances that you want to hide? You don't want to meet people because the very thing that our culture defines as success is career, family, and home, and I have none of these. I'm essentially back where I was at 25 and graduated from college. 

I started to realize through various circumstances, that this wasn't a coincidence. This is what God is doing. He is literally blocking me from getting a job. And then came the anger. The accusations. The raging at God. 

I heard two preachers say that when you don't trust God you are basically calling Him a liar. I didn't mince words... I have called God a liar. I called him a traitor. I have lashed out and hurled every insult against Him. I lost all faith. It was simply the desire to believe that He existed that kept me hanging on.

Romans 1:17 Says,  "The righteous shall live by faith."   If I have discovered anything about myself this past year, it is that I am not righteous. 

Hebrews 11:6 "Without faith, it is impossible to please God." 

The children of Israel wandered the desert for 40 years because of their lack of faith. And come on... He had just done miracles in Egypt, parted the Red Sea, given manna from heaven, and they still didn't believe? So then is it possible that circumstances will never determine our faith? Jesus did signs and wonders and people didn't believe. Would giving me a job really satisfy my trust in Him? Giving me my own family? My own home? Are these the keys to unlocking my trust in Him? Or is there something deeper, a wound in me that has prevented me from trusting Him? If so, healing would be the only answer.

The shepherd goes after His sheep when one strays. And once He finds the sheep, He breaks it's leg, and carries it around in a sling. The shepherd understands that breaking the lambs leg may be painful, but much less than the sheep running off and being killed by wolves. The shepherd doesn't harm the sheep out of evil, but out of goodness. And as the sheep heals, it grows to trust the master and learn to never stray from it. It learns the character and goodness of the Master.

It is in knowing the goodness and character of God.... that is where faith must lie. Shadrack,M,and O had every reason to doubt God. Their country had been overtaken by war. They were slaves to the Babylonians. And yet they demonstrated unwaivering faith despite their circumstances. Even in the smallest details they chose to honor God. First it was with the food. They knew that eating the forbidden food would not be pleasing to God, and so they appealed to their captor. And then when it came to their physical bodies being destroyed in the most agonizing way, they still stood in faith. They said, God is able to save us, but even if He doesn't, we will not bow down.

They KNEW the character of God. They knew the goodness of God. Faith is the knowledge of who God is. When you truly understand WHO God is, that is when faith comes.

First, I must believe that every word He speaks is truth. He says He is good, and He is truth and He cannot lie, so despite my circumstances, God is good.

He promises to never leave me, so even if I feel abandoned by Him, He has not left me. 

Hagar called him the "God that sees me," so even though I don't feel like He sees me, I know that He sees me. He daily bears my burdens. 

My anger blinded me to everything else. I held it like a shield against Him. He had betrayed me. And eventually, my anger held me.  Like a person possessed, I couldn't rid myself of it. Every time I would try to pray, even repent of my anger, it would well up within me, hot as fire and burn in rage. Once again my thoughts whirling with all the things God had not done. 

So I began to repent and ask God over and over again to give me faith. Faith to believe that what He said is true. And slowly, I began to see. Every person in the Bible that God used had remarkable faith in God. Despite horrific circumstances, they knew the character of God and they clung to that. And somewhere in my walk, I never really learned to truly trust in HIs goodness. These battles have gone on and on in my life for as long as I can remember. And just like the Israelites in the desert, God continues to take me around and around to teach me the lesson. Some of them were so stubborn and disobedient, they were not allowed in the promise land. I hope I am not one of them. I hope that I have not missed my purpose because of my unbelief.

Faith begins and ends with these three words: God is good. 

Always.