Update on my life...

Since graduating in December, I have searched nonstop for a teaching job. I had job offers but whether it was not being financially viable or the location being too dangerous or something, it never seemed to work out. And I lacked the sufficient qualifications (teaching license) for some positions, so I wasn't even considered a candidate. Everything seemed to fall through. I was still doing promotions and marketing, but had come to really hate it. So, against my better judgement, I took a terrible job in Vietnam.  Looking back, I see I felt uneasy from the beginning; there were so many red flags. But I started feeling like I was just being too picky. I needed a job, I needed experience teaching high school, and this was an opportunity. I won't go into all the details but basically, the closer I got to the day I was leaving, the more this feeling of foreboding came over me. I had heard from expats in the area and a teacher from the school found me on Facebook and had nothing but bad things to say. Anyway, I didn't know, but my sister, my mom and another lady were praying for me that God would not allow me to go if it wasn't His will. And guess what? God divinely intervened and literally stopped me from getting on the plane! It was crazy!

And now, a month later, I find myself here, in White Plains, NY.  My job is working with international students. I'm not teaching; I live with them in a dorm like setting, and handle all the details of their lives: school, activities, doctor's appointments, meals, etc. It has been so clear that this is where God has lead me...in a number of ways that I won't go into. But it wasn't just getting me here; it is how every issue that has come up that I have seen as impossible, He has fixed almost instantaneously. Almost as if He is saying again and again,  Yes Lydia, this is where I want you!  And I have felt happy....so happy. Joyful. Serene. Excited.

But nothing is ever perfect and there is always going to be dark clouds that threaten to destroy the joy and blessings He gives... if one allows it. And this particular dark cloud was a voice telling me that I am not up to par. Here I am with a master's and I am not teaching. I'm doing the job someone with a high school diploma could do. And suddenly, I went from feeling joyful and blessed to feeling embarrassed. I'm not successful. I'm not "somebody." Look at all the people around me. And look at me.  I wasn't complaining, these were just thoughts that were coming into my head.

Just lies.

If the devil can steal the joy of a believer, he will. If he can make him doubt his purpose or taint the vision God has given, he will. But then God once again stepped in and took over. He spoke to me through the words of Elisabeth Elliot. She said the world will always tell you that you are not enough. It will always tell you that you have to be smarter, younger, thinner, more successful. And she challenged her listeners by asking them, Who is Your Master?   And the answer is, God is my master. He appointed me here to love these kids, to pray for them, to be a light to them. And no, I am not doing anything noble by human standards, but by God's standards I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do. These kids are far away from home and they are all atheists. They don't know that Jesus loves them; they don't know that God even exists to love them. And He placed me here to help them see that. He is answering my prayer:  Let my life count for something for You. Let it not be wasted.  And what better way to reach teenagers than to live with them and interact with them every day? Who else could have that kind of intimate relationship with these kids besides their own parents?

And while I have been here, I see the opportunities He is giving me....opportunities I could choose to take or leave, like spending a Friday night at the laundry mat with my kids playing games or taking new freshman to office depot during my free time so that they have the right supplies. And after I did that, the next day one of the boys came into the office and sat and talked to me for 45 minutes. He didn't need anything, he just came to talk and share! He had never done that before.

So then comes the next dilemma- do I continue with my education and get certified? My MA program didn't certify me which has caused a lot of issues. So should I continue and do online correspondence and get another master's degree and a teaching license? Or should I just work to pay off my debt? This could go either way. So many doors were closed to me because I wasn't a certified teacher. And yet, so many doors were closed to me because of the debt I have and how it made it impossible to accept jobs I would have liked to accept, like teaching in a small college in Peru and learning Spanish. Or volunteering at a school in Africa for a year to teach kids that otherwise have no opportunities.

In another message, Elliot addresses people that are considering being missionaries and asks the question,  How can you decipher the will of God?  You start by being obedient in the things you know you ought to be.  We are human beings made of spirit, soul, and body. Therefore, we must discipline all three. Make time for prayer and devotions, read and study, and eat healthy food and maintain an active lifestyle. I must learn discipline and be obedient in these small things and wait on God to show me the big things. I heard someone once say,  If you aren't faithful in the little things, God probably isn't going to tell you His will in the big things. 

Ultimately I love teaching and I believe getting my teaching license would be wise. But there is another area of my heart that I am coming to realize. Maybe I will be called to full time missions one day. I don't mean a tent maker missionary, but a full on missionary.  Before I went to CIU, I felt I would one day have an orphanage for children that had been exposed to sex trafficking. And then somehow, during my time in school, the vision changed.  But now that I am here with these international kids I cannot deny the gift of love that God bestows in me for them. I know it is supernatural because it is illogical and people would probably call me a liar if I told them the truth.  I love these kids in a way that I think only their mom's would love them. This isn't the first time this has happened...when I was a teaching parent at an orphanage, when I was a teacher in Korea, or even the one afternoon I spent in Mexico with our tour guy, Amelio, God gives me this incredible, unexplainable love for certain people.. I am very aware that it is from Him and not me. Anyone that knows me knows I don't really even like children (except for a few exceptions :) ). But I love MY kids.  See some pictures below :)