It Kills Me

It is as though a decade has passed.

This numbing pain of missing you.

Busy with life-not knowing, not realizing.

Then suddenly, out of nowhere, agony hits.

A thought, a remembrance, a familiar color.

And I am drenched with utter misery.

It is unbearable.

An unceasing shower of hot coals

 Searing my insides.

The pain unrelenting.

Gasping. Crying on the inside, I hear myself say,

I NEED him!

My very soul writhes at the pain, begging for relief.

I just want to hear his voice; to know he is ok!

My heart pleads with my brain in desperation.

And then Truth comes again, crashing heavily against me.

It visits me like an unwelcome ghost.

It laughs mockingly while it sledge hammers itself into my brain

The very weight knocking my breath out of me.

Jolting the spasms, the breath, the weeping out of me.

Silence.

Punched in the gut ...

No air. No sound.

Nothing but the slow, beating pulse of a knife

Tearing me to shreds.

The thought jolting me back to my reality.

He doesn't miss you.

He doesn't need you.

He doesn't want you.

He does NOT love you.

If he did, he would be here with you.

Truth.

It kills me.