...All the lonely people

i like to watch people. i like to make observations about them and if
i get out of my usual, "lydia is the center of the universe" mentality
and look around i generally read people very well. it is amazing how many
people in the world battle with the same insecurities, fears, and loneliness. oops. i said it. everyone run!

it's profoundly sad at how taboo the word lonely has become. It's translated as needy, desperate, leach. It's as if lonely people have this terrible disease, and the moment you speak of it everyone scatters in every direction. i have been guilty of running from lonely people. i think it's the fear of being latched onto. it's one thing to get a coffee once in awhile, go to a movie. but what if they call you incessantly and want to spend every waking moment with you? give a little, they want it all. and let's face it, while we all like being needed, we don't want the people that really need us. we want to be needed by the people we want...and generally those people don't need us.




the fascinating thing about loneliness, is that it isn't. fascinating, i mean. it isn't obscure, rare, or strange. There are few people that are not affected by
it. find the most popular, well liked person, and chances are they battle loneliness. look at the work-a-holic, the successful millionaire, the one who has it all...lonely. lonely. lonely.

most of us find ways to cope. we join book clubs, hiking clubs, sleep excessively, spend our time at the gym trying to perfect our body because something has made us believe that if we can just "fix" whatever is wrong with us, we can find the perfect relationship and we won't be lonely anymore. we put on the pretense we are perfectly happy. we have bought into our culture's mentality...or maybe it is a worldwide philosophy that says, "be self sufficient. APPEAR happy and put together. don't tell anyone you have this unspeakable disease. then you really will be alone." who made these rules? where did the belief that we need to wear masks come from?



i'm tired of the hypocrisy. i'm tired of pretending to be something i'm not. i get lonely. i want to be around people. i work at a school where most of the other teachers don't include me when they hang out with each other. and while it's hurtful in some ways, i do understand. i'm new, most of them have been there for much longer. and you don't always click with people. i have found myself being forced to be self sufficient...learning to take the subway alone. learning how to take taxis when i don't speak the language. it's frightening and exciting and empowering and...it's lonely. because what is life if you don't have people to share it with? this new experience has forced me out of my comfort zone, because i've had to get out and meet people. it's been hard, but so far, it's been really worth it. and these meetups i go to are made up of people from all over the world...westerners, europeans, koreans, and some of us have absolutely nothing in common. nothing but one thing. we're all lonely; we all want people to share these experiences with.



what is the cure to loneliness? is it getting married or having someone to share your life with? is it finding your best friends? maybe in some ways. but i think those are temporary solutions and distractions, not the answer. i have friends from all walks of life that battle with it...from my friend married to her best friend and living on a farm to the young single millionaire that runs his own company, both have admitted that they are pretty lonely people. so if marriage doesn't meet the need, if having everything you ever thought you wanted still leaves a gaping hole, then what does? only God knows. no, seriously, only God knows. everything He wants from us is exactly what we have been taught not to be. He wants us to be vulnerable to Him, to trust Him, to NEED Him. He wants to consume our loneliness. while the world mocks anyone who admits to these hidden flaws, He embraces us. It is a battle I struggle with daily. I want a human being. I want to experience life and love with others. But it is those times I surrender myself to Him that i experience the deepest joy.
Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is none upon the earth I desire besides You."





to all of you who are planning to leave me comments (DOUG) about how i didn't use pictures from korea.. i pulled old photos to go with my blog. i did it for people like you who prefer looking at pictures to reading:)